


LEGEND27 ISNT A COOL MEME ANYMORE

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen
Genre: F/M, Pining, Textfic, also theres the fireflies meme at the very end should that be a warning, jared kleiman still thinks legend27 is a fresh meme, kinda shitpost with no thought put into this, smurfy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-10 01:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11681367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: a textfic because i refuse to finish any fanfics at the given moment





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> brain: hey u should finish that tree bros fanfic  
> brain: and that kleinsen fanfic  
> me: writes this  
> __  
> anyway have u noticed how theres like?? very little (if not none) connor lives au with evan/zoe ?????? what the fuck?? honestly itd be an adorable ship if it wasnt a relationship built on manipulative lies and a fake friendship i mean,, just think about it,, so i decided to put evan/zoe in here as a side thing (it's talked about a few times but it's definitely not the main point of the fanfic. is there even a main point? probably dead memes.) so uhh,, i hope that doesnt make u guys mad?? idk

**9:30 PM**

**sociallyineptloser has added smokingdrugsisgayculture, legend27, alanab, & probablyhigh to this group**

**sociallyineptloser renamed this group “the squad”**

**probablyhigh:** wtf why was i invited last  
 **probablyhigh:** evan i thought we were bros

**sociallyineptloser has made probablyhigh a group admin**

**probablyhigh:** thats what i fucking thought

**legend27:** hewwo…? owo

**probablyhigh has kicked legend27 from this group chat**

**sociallyineptloser has revoked admin privileges from probablyhigh**

**probablyhigh:** what

**sociallyineptloser has added legend27 to this group chat**

**probablyhigh:** wait no

**legend27:** what the fuck all i said was  
 **legend27:** hello  
 **legend27:** u need to be restrained murphy

**probablyhigh:** fuck off klienman

**legend27:** *kleinman  
 **legend27:** if ur gonna call me by my last name at least do it right smurfy

**probablyhigh:** what

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** off to a great start  
 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** hey evan can i be admin

**sociallyineptloser:** im sorry zoe but no 

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** :( plea :(( se im ur gf u have to :(((

**sociallyineptloser has made smokingdrugsisgayculture a group admin**

**legend27:** decisive

**probablyhigh:** manipulative

**legend27:** c o r r u p t

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** stfu i have special privileges 

**legend27:** how does this benefit my sweet baby boy

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** smooches and potted plants

**probablyhigh:** seems legit

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** anyway

**smokingdrugsisgayculture renamed this group “evan is the best bf < 3”**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** btw babe before u go and tell me ur not  
 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** no self-deprecating comments are allowed in this group chat 

**sociallyineptloser:** ncndndnxks

**legend27:** u guys have been dating for a week and u two are already the pinnacle of heterosexual relationships  
 **legend27:** no other straight relationship matters besides this one

**probablyhigh:** wow jared that's really Heterophobic™ of you

**legend27:** bite me

**sociallyineptloser:** aaaAANYYWAYYYY  
 **sociallyineptloser:** hey wait where's alana

**legend27:** she probs put the chat on mute or smth idk

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** i think shes studying rn

**probablyhigh:** studying??? while im around???  
 **probablyhigh:** not on my fukcin watch  
 **probablyhigh:** @alanab b i t ch

**legend27:** @alanab queen we need u

**alanab:** Hi, guys!  
 **alanab:** What do you need me for? I’m kinda busy rn

**probablyhigh:** are u studying

**alanab:** Yeah, why?

**probablyhigh:** stop

**alanab:** what

**probablyhigh:** hang out w the cool kids  
 **probablyhigh:** smok with us

**sociallyineptloser:** connor i think that's peer pressure

**probablyhigh:** stfu hansen

**sociallyineptloser:** oh

**alanab:** Connor, we talked about this when you invited me to get stoned

**probablyhigh:** i think i was already high on weed when you told me  
 **probablyhigh:** it was like  
 **probablyhigh:** uh  
 **probablyhigh:** somethign something college blah something i need my education blah blah u shouldnt have hit like six blunts connor yadda yadda

**legend27:** connor oh my god

**probablyhigh:** uhh smokign is bad for me and ur a good kid

**alanab:** Close enough.  
 **alanab:** Do you even consider my advice?

**probablyhigh:** honestly?  
 **probablyhigh:** nope  
 **probablyhigh:** not at all

**alanab:** :/

**legend27:** at least he's honest  
 **legend27:** u gotta give him some credit

**alanab:** I guess  
 **alanab:** Anyway, I’m going to put the chat on mute again so I can study

**legend27:** :( 

**probablyhigh:** :(

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** :(

**alanab:** I’ll be back tomorrow  
 **alanab:** I promise 

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** ok byee we love u

**alanab:** Ily too

**legend27:** hey where the fuck is tree boy  
 **legend37:** evan whered u go

**probablyhigh:** wait  
 **probablyhigh:** agh fuck im an asshole

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** wait what the fuck did you do to my boy  
 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** connor did you say something to him in private or am i just really fuckjng blind

**probablyhigh:** blind  
 **probablyhigh:** abt 10 mins ago i told him to shut up and i think he took it seriously because i used his last name  
 **probablyhigh:** fuck

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** oh fuck thats right

**probablyhigh:** im stupid shit

**legend27:** what did zoe say about self-deprecating comments

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** WAIT EVANS TYPING

**sociallyineptloser:** no wait guys i’m okay  
 **sociallyineptloser:** i did kinda overreact but i mean thats my specialty   
**sociallyineptloser:** and my mom wanted me to go do something for her

**legend27:** evan be fr ur mom is at work

**sociallyineptloser:** okay i kinda shoved my face into a pillow and screamed “somebody please stitch my mouth shut i don't deserve the ability to even talk” and kinda freaked out and refused to text in fear of messing up  
 **sociallyineptloser:** but i’m fine now i swear

**probably high:** holy shit dude  
 **probablyhigh:** im really fucking sorry  
 **probablyhigh:** i’ll work on not saying things like that  
 **probablyhigh:** i really didnt mean to hurt you holy shit

**sociallyineptloser:** no it's okay i was the one who overreacted  
 **sociallyineptloser:** but thanks

**probablyhigh:** but uh  
 **probablyhigh:** just tell me if i hurt you okay  
 **probablyhigh:** ?

**sociallyineptloser:** ok

**legend27:** well THAT was a fun roller coaster 

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** too bad we couldnt intervene and make things worse :(((

**probablyhigh:** i completely forgot u two idiots were here

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** (;

**legend27:** ((;

**probablyhigh:** welp im going to bed  
 **probablyhigh:** thats enough friend drama for today

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** same gn

**sociallyineptloser:** me too   
**sociallyineptloser:** goodnight all ♥

**legend27:** lol gn

_____

**3:37 AM**

**legend27:** https://youtu.be/Xc8jeG7BDp0

**probablyhigh:** GODDAMMIT JARED


	2. the squeakquel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe im continuing this  
> also theres gay pining so theres that to look forward to  
> TW: mention of mental illness, ableist slurs

**7:43 AM**

**legend27:** JIGGLE JIGGLE POP POP MY HIPS LET IT ROCK OKAY  
**legend27:** SWING LEFT SWING RIGHT MY WEAVE IN TIGHT HI-YAH  
**legend27:** HIT EM WITH THAT  
**legend27:** B O O M  
**legend27:** DYNAMITE HI-YAH  
**legend27:** HIT EM WITH THAT  
**legend27:** B O O M  
**legend27:** DYNAMITE HI-YAH

 **probablyhigh:** hey jared what the fuck

 **sociallyineptloser:** i don’t understand this  
**sociallyineptloser:** i’m honestly really confused rn

 **legend27:** JIGGLE JIGGLE POP POP MY HIPS LET IT ROCK OKAY

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** GOD DAMMIT THIS SONG IS SUCH AN EAR WORM WHY WOULD YOU CURSE ME LIKE THIS

 **sociallyineptloser:** i’m still really confused on what’s going on

 **legend27:** SWING LEFT SWING RIGHT MY WEAVE IN TIGHT HI-YAH

 **alanab:** OKAY WE’RE ALL UP NOW, YOU CAN STOP

 **legend27:** good B)

 **sociallyineptloser:** what did i just witness

 **probablyhigh:** its better if u dont know trust me

 **sociallyineptloser:** if you say so lol

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** so uhh why did you wake us up at 7 on a sunday morning

 **legend27:** christian church

 **sociallyineptloser:** ...

 **probablyhigh:** ...

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** ...

 **alanab:** …

 **legend27:** anyway

 **probablyhigh:** you know what? no  
**probablyhigh:** im going back to sleep

 **legend27:** no wait

 **alanab:** Me too

 **legend27:** gaymers please

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** me too

 **legend27:** B l e a s e

 **sociallyineptloser:** gn

 **legend27:** g a y m e r s

______

**5:30 PM**

**legend27:** A A A A A Above Air And And Are As As As As As Asleep Asleep Asleep Asleep Asleep Asleep Asleep Asleep Asleep Asleep At Awake Awake Awake Awake Awake Away Away Ball Because Red Believe Believe Believe Believe Believe Beneath Bizzare Bugs Bursting but by ‘cause ‘cause ‘cause ‘cause ‘cause ‘cause Counting Crack dance disco do door dreams earth earth earth earth earth Everything Everything Everything Everything Everywhere Eyes Eyes Fall Fall Fall Fall Far Farewell Farewell Farewell Feel Well Fell Few Fill Fireflys Fireflys Fireflys Foxtrot From From From From Get Get Goodbyes Got Hanging hard hard hard hard hard Hate Head Here Hop How Hugs I I I I I I I I’d I’d I’d I’d I’d I’d I’d I’ll I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m If In Insomniac Is Is Is Is It It It It It’s It’s It’s Jar Jar Jar Jar Just Just Just Know Leave Leave Lightning Light Light Light Light Lit Make Make Make make make me me me me million million Misty My My My My My My Myself Myself Myself Myself Myself Never Never Never Not Of Open Open Planet Planet Planet Planet Planet Please Please Please Rather Rather Rather Rather Rather Rather Real Rude Said Saved Say Say Say Say Say Seams Seems Seems Seems Seems Several Sheep Sloooowly Sloooowly Sloooowly Sloooowly Sloooowly Sloooowly Sock Stand Stare Stay Stay Stay Stay Stay Stay Stay Such Take Take Take Teach Teardrops Ten Ten Ten That That That That The The Them They They They Think Thousand Thousand Threat Thread Thread Tire Tired To To To To To To Too Try Turns Turns Turns Turns Turns Turns Turns Up Weird When When When When When Why World Would Would You You’d Your

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** did  
**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** did you just use an outdated meme  
**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** again????

 **probablyhigh:** i think i got a stroke while reading this

 **alanab:** I’m honestly impressed you took the time to write this down

 **sociallyineptloser:** what is this

 **legend27:** @ alana actually i just copied and pasted it

 **probablyhigh:** okay but why do you still talk about the fireflies meme

 **legend27:** because it's a great meme

 **probablyhigh:** not rlly

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** WIAT HEY GUYS I JUST REMEMBERED  
**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** DID I SHOW U PICS FROM EVAN AND MY’S DATE TODAY  
**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** NO WAIT I DIDNT

 **sociallyineptloser:** YOU TOOK _PICTURES?????_  
**sociallyineptloser:** I MEAN I DON’T MIND THAT YOU TOOK THEM BUT  
**sociallyineptloser:** I DIDN’T SEE YOU WITH A CAMERA???  
**sociallyineptloser:** ALL DAY???

 **probablyhigh:** one of the many perks of dating my sister

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** ANYWAY  
**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** evan would u mind if i sent them

 **sociallyineptloser:** it's ok

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** ok

**smokingdrugsisgayculture sent a photo**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** here's him after eating ice cream @ ala mode… he’s looking off.. somewhere

 **legend27:** how sweet

 **probablyhigh:** he has vanilla icecream on his nose…

 **alanab:** Awww

 **sociallyineptloser:** cndnxkxndndk

**smokingdrugsisgayculture sent a photo**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** at the beach swimmin in his swimsuit

 **probablyhigh:** SUCH AN OTTER

 **legend27:** holy shit

 **alanab:** Precious ❤️❤️

**smokingdrugsisgayculture sent a video**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** here's a video of him singing at his house (his eyes were shut so he didnt know i was recording ha)

 **probablyhigh:** N I C E V I B R A T O

 **legend27:** HOW PERFECT 

**alanab:** YOU SHOULD BE A SINGER!!!!

 **sociallyineptloser:** THANK YOU OGM CNDNXMD

**smokingdrugsisgayculture sent a photo**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** last one… here we were watching a movie on the couch and he just. falls asleep 

**sociallyineptloser:** sorry babe :(

 **probablyhigh:** AWW YOURE SO ADORABLE WHEN YOU SLEEP

 **alanab:** SO PRECIOUS

 **sociallyineptloser:** NFNFNDKNDSKKS

_____

**legend27 has added probablyhigh & alanab to this group **

**legend27 renamed this group “help”**

**probablyhigh:** why are you coming to me

 **legend27:** bc youre my friend

 **probablyhigh:** aww thats the nicest thing youve ever said to me

 **alanab:** Did something happen?

 **legend27:** im gay and it hurts

 **probablyhigh:** elaborate 

**legend27:** i may have a tiny  
**legend27:** little  
**legend27:** minuscule 

**probablyhigh:** if you dont finish your sentence im going to assume youre talking about your dick size

 **legend27:** small small small crush on evan for a few years now and it's been getting worse ever since we’ve became friends  
**legend27:** FUCK YOU MURPHY

 **alanab:** How long?

 **legend27:** since uh  
**legend27:** 8th grade?  
**legend27:** ive just kinda started being a dick to him since then to hide it i guess but that made things worse  
**legend27:** i was for sure i was gonna grow out of it when we all became friends  
**legend27:** or when he and zoe got together  
**legend27:** but no  
**legend27:** its worse  
**legend27:** and im trying not to die from zoe sending the most amazing precious and cutest pics of my taken crush  
**legend27:** do you know how hard it is  
**legend27:** pining over yr str8 best friend 

**probablyhigh:** if it helps, i had a gay crush too

 **alanab:** You did?

 **legend27:** had?

 **probablyhigh:** junior year  
**probablyhigh:** he found out  
**probablyhigh:** then showed his true colors by outing me and being an ableist shit  
**probablyhigh:** my heart broke when he slammed me into the lockers while screaming “you psycho gay shit!” to me  
**probablyhigh:** at least evan’s not gonna do that to you

 **alanab:** Holy shit  
**alanab:** I’m so sorry

 **legend27:** fucking asshole  
**legend27:** you are not a psycho  
**legend37:** or crazy  
**legend27:** or a creep  
**legend27:** or a freak

 **alanab:** Or problematic

 **probablyhigh:** i really am  
**probablyhigh:** all those things  
**probablyhigh:** im sure all you guys thought those things about me before we met  
**probablyhigh:** im sure some of you still do  
**probablyhigh:** fuck im sorry this isnt about me

 **alanab:** Connor  
**alanab:** We didn’t understand what you were going through back then, but now we do  
**alanab:** It's not your fault that people think those things about you  
**alanab:** I can assure you that we don't think those things about you, and we're here to support you

 **legend27:** and just because you have bipolar, depression, and psychosis  
**legend27:** doesnt make you any of those things  
**legend27:** or any less of a fucking human being

 **probablyhigh:** holy shit thanks guys  
**probablyhigh:** i love you guys

 **legend27:** we love you too

 **alanab:** ♥  
____

**smokingdrugsisgayculture sent a message to “evan is the best bf < 3”**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** well this chat died

 **probablyhigh:** sorry my dudes

 **legend27:** breaking news  
**legend27:** connor fucking murphy loves us

 **alanab:** It's true  
**alanab:** I witnessed him saying it myself

 **sociallyineptloser:** i love you too connor !!!!

 **probablyhigh:** fnrdnjznd

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** i wasn't aware that connor murphy was capable of loving a human being

 **probablyhigh:** fuck you zoe

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** there's the connor we know and love

 **probablyhigh:** < 3 :/

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** (;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLS COMMENT LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE (ESPECIALLY COMMENT I LOVE YOU)


	3. it's more of finding them rather than noticing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this is a short chapter but i already wrote the next one so ill post that one later today..  
> good god this story is so much fun im in tears

**2:23 AM**

**legend27 sent a private message to probablyhigh**

**legend27:** https://pics.onsizzle.com/whether-im-feeling-hashtag-blessed-or-hashtag-stressed-malways-looking-24654486.png  
 **legend27:** hey bitch i need help

 **probablyhigh:** ewhat the fuck do you want its 2:30

 **legend27:** im gay again

 **probablyhigh:** bxndjenfks  
 **probablyhigh:** well what do you want me to do about it

 **legend27:** how did u survive this  
 **legend27:** how did u figure this out

 **probablyhigh:** well   
**probablyhigh:** when i /thought i had a crush on ev i took him out on a friend date

 **legend27:** what

 **probablyhigh:** basically it's a “let's go on a date but no homo”  
 **probablyhigh:** just take him to a romantic thign like a movie or fancy restaurant but make sure he thinks there are no romantic intentions   
**probablyhigh:** he cant know…  
 **probablyhigh:** and jus do platonic/semiromantic things like hold hands or do very very subtle flirting

 **legend27:** that sounds awful there is no way he can fall for it 

**probablyhigh:** he fell for it the first time :/

 **legend27:** first time ://  
 **legend27:** he fell for it the first time ://

 **probablyhigh:** the acorn also managed to fall out of a tree  & i convinced him the live lobsters in the store didn't like him  
 **probablyhigh:** im pretty sure he’ll fall for it

 **legend27:** :///

 **probablyhigh:** i mean if you dont want my help then thats ok   
**probablyhigh:** you can go back to ur sporadic gay boners when we’re all hanging out don't think i havent been noticing ://

 **legend27:** u g h fine  
 **legend27:** but i swear to jesus if he finds out im gonna kick ur ass

 **probablyhigh:** im no where near as scrawny as you think but ok lmao 

___

 **2:38 AM**

**legend27 sent a private message to sociallyineptloser**

**legend27:** hey loser  
 **legend27:** do you want to watch homecoming with me and go to olive garden or some shit  
 **legend27:** like uhh later today

 **sociallyineptloser:** sure ?????

 **legend27:** be ready by 8

 **sociallyineptloser:** ok???????

___

**2:43 AM**

**legend27 sent a private message to probablyhigh**

**legend27:** HE SAID YES

 **probablyhigh:** he is now ur lawfully wedded wife

 **legend27:** i was gonna say thanks for not being an asshole and helping me but nvm ://

 **probablyhigh:** np dickface  
 **probablyhigh:** im going back to sleep

 **legend27:** k

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment  
> ok but which direction would you guys like this story to go?? kleinsen?? zoevan?? mutual breakup?? jared settles on pining?? help??


	4. Milk Is Bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> connor bothers the living hell out of zoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> healing murphy siblings content?? healing murphy siblings content.
> 
>  
> 
> **^^!!!! epilepsy warning !!!!^^  
> **  
>  somewhere in the chapter, connor sends a link to a website (staggeringbeauty) and it contains bright colours and flashing images!!! do not !!! click the link !!! and mess with the cute worm !!! if you have epilepsy/your eyes are sensitive etc !! please !!

**8:46 AM**

**probablyhigh sent a message to “evan is the best bf < 3”**

**probablyhigh:** are u f u c k i n serious  
**probablyhigh:** me, a graduated senior in the top 10%  
**probablyhigh:** up on a monday morning  
**probablyhigh:** and i cant even get a fuckin glass of milk before my family finishes the entire gallon in a matter of twelve(12) hours  
**probablyhigh:** let alone food  
**probablyhigh:** ewhat the fuck  
**probablyhigh:** fuck zoe and her ability to wake up at like five when mom actually makes somewhat edible food and there's still milk on the table  
**probablyhigh:** whtvr ill just find my own food i dont need mom  & her vegan omelet  
**probablyhigh:** what the fuck even is a vegan omelet

**9:02 AM**

**probablyhigh sent a message to “evan is the best bf < 3”**

**probablyhigh:** EWHAT  
**probablyhigh:** NO CEREAL?? NO EGGS?? NO OATMEAL???  
**probablyhigh:** I CANT BELIEVE THIS I HAVENT EATEN IN LIKE A YEAR IM GONNA DIE  
**probablyhigh:** I PROBABLY AM  
**probablyhigh:** THANK U FAMILY FOR WAKING ME UP WHEN BREAKFAST IS READY, AND THANK U SO MUCH FAMILY FOR GIVING ME ENOUGH TO EAT AND GOING GROCERY SHOPPING WHEN NEEDED

**9:18 AM**

**probablyhigh sent a message to “evan is the best bf < 3”**

**probablyhigh:** OK BUT NOW LARRY IS FUCKIN PISSED AT ME FOR NO REASON ?????? WHAT ?????  
**probablyhigh:** LIKE HE LITERALLY WALKS INTO THE KITCHEN, GLARES AT ME AND SAYS  
**probablyhigh:** “WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET A HAIRCUT SON??”  
**probablyhigh:** SO I SAY “UHH IM NOT??? ITS RLLY MY DECISION AND I DONT WANT A HAIRCUT” (OK I SUGARCOATED WHAT I ACTUALLY SAID I GOTTA BE HONEST)  
**probablyhigh:** AND HE SAYS  
**probablyhigh:** “DONT GIVE ME ATTITUDE I AM YOUR F A T H E R”  
**probablyhigh:** U G H NOW HE SENT ME TO MY ROOM WHEN I DEFENDED MYSELF WHAT THE FUCK ????? I HATE HIM SO MUCHE WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE HELL AND FUKC  
**probablyhigh:** GOD LIVING IN THIS HOUSEHOLD IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

**9:29 AM**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture sent a message to “evan is the best bf < 3”**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** ur existence is a fuckin nightmare

**9:40 AM**

**probablyhigh sent a message to “evan is the best bf < 3”**

**probablyhigh:** fuk u

 **9:55 AM**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture sent a message to “evan is the best bf < 3”**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** fuk u right back

 **probablyhigh:** >:(

**10:08 AM**

**probablyhigh sent a message to “evan is the best bf < 3”**

**probablyhigh:** http://www.staggeringbeauty.com  
**probablyhigh:** me when a minor inconvenience occurs

**10:19 AM**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** HOLY FUCKINGG SHIT I THOUGHT I MURDERED IT AHAT THE F UCK

**11:34 AM**

**probablyhigh sent a message to “evan is the best bf < 3”**

**probablyhigh:** zoeeeee  
**probablyhigh:** im upset and i want validation and attention )):

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** im in class, go bother evan or jared :/

 **probablyhigh:** but theyre on a date and didnt invite me )):

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** date?

 **probablyhigh:** friend date u kno  
**probablyhigh:** “hey evan wanna watch a movie and slowly connect our hands in the popcorn bowl”  
**probablyhigh:** “but No homo”  
**probablyhigh:** ive havent been on one in a long time and i want to go on a friend date but nobody likes me )):

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** true  
**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** have u tried messaging alana?

 **probablyhigh:** idk where tf she is she wont respond to my messages )):

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** ughhhh give me a few minutes

 **probablyhigh:** wow thanks i sure feel loved and wanted right now

**11:56 AM**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture sent a message to “evan is the best bf < 3”**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** ok what do you want

 **probablyhigh:** :/

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** ok sweetie babby what made ur day bad mommie will try to fix it ♥♥♥ uwu

 **probablyhigh:** daddy wants me to take some scissors to my head and give me a bowl cut and i dont wikey ))): hes lookingn at barber shops and it makes me sad )):  
**probablyhigh:** also im fuckin starving and havent eaten in like 2 days and larry wont let me use the car because he probably thinks im high or that im going to go get drugs or some shit :///

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** well id think the same honestly 

**probablyhigh:** food is always top priority here

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** so what do you want me to do about it

 **probablyhigh:** after school can u go to mc and get me 1 large fry, 20 chicken mcnuggets and two big macs  
**probablyhigh:** pwetty pwease i need my mcnuggers _uwu_

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** i dont have money :/

 **probablyhigh:** my credit card is in the backseat

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** ok but im going to buy some new shoes w it too

 **probablyhigh:** had that coming  
**probablyhigh:** now Please get me food before my stomach begins to digest itself

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** what the heck happened to all the food anyways

 **probablyhigh:** teenage girl sleepovers  
**probablyhigh:** football dad

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** of course  
**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** ok ur food will be here in about five hours thank u for choosing zoe murphy food service

 **probablyhigh:** five hours???? i demand a refund

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** ok no food for you i guess

 **probablyhigh:** NO WAIT  
**probablyhigh:** I CAN WAIT 

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** thats what i thought

___

**1:04 PM**

**probablyhigh sent a private message to smokingdrugsisgayculture**

**probablyhigh:** hey zoe?

 **smokingdrugsisgayculture:** yeah

 **probablyhigh:** thanks

**1:21 PM**

**smokingdrugsisgayculture:** dont mention it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls comment yr favorite part of the chapter/what would u like to see pls ily

**Author's Note:**

> this was awful  
> anyways please comment like and subscribe (but if u have time pls pls leave a comment they keep me thriving and writing,, the comment doesnt even have to be well thought out you can literally scream "OM FG INCANT BELIEVE YOU WROTE THIS WHAT THE HECK NOT ENOUGH GAY" and id still cry of happy tears over it. thank u)  
> -jared


End file.
